ENTJ - ESFP relationships are often not very easy. The reasons why this match is not an ideal one are many and I will try to list them in this article along with some positive things in this relationship.
Some of the drawbacks and incompatibilities in this relationship are:
The intuitive leap
ESFPs dislike theory and complexities. They often resist forming relationships which require them to function on a high intuitive or thinking level. ENTJs are obviously intuitive thinkers and that is the core and pride of their personality, so this is a fundamental incompatibility that will make it very hard to go beyond a platonic relationship into a deeper connection.
ENTJs like to resolve conflict by confronting the issue as soon as possible, having the future of the relationship in mind, but ESFPs are likely to ignore or escape conflict situations rather than face them. This is because ESFPs find it hard to stay calm when in conflict so they’d rather avoid it altogether than say something they’ll regret later. ENTJs like other NTs have no problem staying calm in an argument. These are two very different ways of dealing with conflict and might present another obstacle in this relationship.
Impersonal vs. personal
ENTJs like people who don’t take things personally because they tend to be impersonal in their speech. They also appreciate people who are hard to offend with criticism. Unfortunately ESFPs have an extreme dislike of criticism and are likely to take things extremely personally. This will make the ESFP feel like the ENTJ is constantly pushing their buttons while the ENTJ is probably not trying to offend anyone.
Some positive things in this relationship:
Both ESFPs and ENTJs like action and having fun, so this might be a binding factor if they can find activities to do together. ENTJs can also learn a thing or two from ESFPs about the more sensual and earthy aspects of life.
Most of the problems in this relationship arise from the fact that ESFPs are not too big on intuition (Ni is their last function in order Se-Fi-Te-Ni) so they don’t focus on the future, but ENTJs have a mind that is very future oriented. This causes all kinds of misunderstandings and makes this relationship hard. That doesn’t mean ENTJs should just avoid ESFPs, because two well developed individuals of any type can have a healthy relationship. It just means that there is work involved here. If the ESFP comes to realize that criticism can be looked at constructively, rather than destructively and if the ENTJ makes an effort to be less critical and impersonal the relationship becomes much easier.