ENFJ + ENTJ compatibility, relationships

ENTJ ENFJ relationship summarized for those who don’t like long stories:

- easily connect on an intuitive level

- both like to create structure and order

- might see each other as stubborn after some time

- need to work on listening to each other while making decisions, and not just listening, but also taking each other's opinions into account

- the ENTJ might not be able to meet the ENFJ's idealized standards for love and affection, especially for spoken words of affection because ENTJs believe actions speak louder than words (most ENTJ males would rather spell “I love you” with jet exhaust trails than say it out loud)

- the ENTJ has to try to be less critical and argumentative and the ENFJ has to try to be less threatened by conflict and criticism

- if the ENFJ is immature, the ENTJ will see her as emotionally manipulative, clingy or even two-faced

- if the ENTJ is immature the ENFJ will see her as selfish, arrogant and stubborn


ENTJ ENFJ relationship – long story

Although it’s not the top choice by theory, this MBTI match is one of the better ones – mainly because both types are intuitives, which can result in almost magnetic attraction.

However, that “oh you’re so weird I like you” (N) attraction can sometimes only be short term if the persons involved realize that they have incompatible values and world views. Remember that even two ENTJs can have very different opinions and values.

These two types have 3 letters in common but if we compare their cognitive functions we’ll see that they are very different personalities. ENTJs have Te-Ni-Se-Fi and ENFJs have Fe-Ni-Se-Ti. They have the same perceiving functions (Ni, Se) and opposite judging functions (Te-Fe, Fi-Ti), so we could say they see the world with the same eyes but interpret it and deal with it quite differently. However, this is not as bad as with ENTJ-ESFJ relationships because they are both intuitive and will be very aware and very respectful of their differences (if they’re not immature).

Because society expects females to be the compassionate one and males to be the tough one, a ENTJ male – ENFJ female relationship should be a better match than the other way around, which doesn’t mean that an ENFJ male – ENTJ female is always a bad match.

The fact that ENFJs have extroverted feeling (Fe) as their dominant function and ENTJs have it last on their priority list can make things tough in this relationship. Also ENTJs have extroverted thinking (Te) as dominant and ENFJs have it last. While this can be interesting at the start of the relationship, it can get frustrating when both types start to resist being influenced by each other. This happens because Fe is literally the last thing ENTJs listen to when making a decision, and it's the same for ENFJs and Te. If these two types want to have a good relationship they both need to grow a lot, which is not necessarily a bad thing, especially for two intuitive types who are keen on growth in all aspects of life.

Seeing as they are both J, things in this relationship would be settled, decided fast and well planned. While this is certainly desirable from a Js perspective, they would have to consciously introduce some spontaneity into their life.

As this article was written mostly from a romance-marriage perspective I should add that a friendship between ENFJs and ENTJs is usually a lot easier because there isn't so much obligation and mutual decision making involved. A romance will require some effort on both ends but it can be very rewarding. In the end it all depends if the two people have compatible values and if they fit each other’s views of the future.