ESTJ + ENTJ compatibility, relationships, dating

Short summary:

  • To communicate something to an ESTJ the best policy is action, not theories
  • Traditional ESTJs who are above an ENTJ in an organization can cause a lot of frustration to the ENTJ. Again the best policy is to have something to show for in real life, hard work or success gets their respect
  • As equal peers ENTJs and ESTJs usually get along fine if of similar interests
  • “It works” is a language both these personality types share
  • ENTJs are one of the first types to admire the ESTJs dependability, hard work and responsibility

An ENTJ - ESTJ relationship depends a lot on social roles and hierarchy mainly because of the ESTJ’s mentality so we’ll concentrate on that in this article.

One good way to differentiate an ENTJ from an ESTJ is to look at their attitude towards hierarchy, gender and social roles. The difference in approach is that ESTJs tend to be more respectful towards authority and people above them in hierarchy (bosses, parents, and older people) while ENTJs tend to naturally doubt and question any kind of authority. ESTJs want to defend the organization and the hierarchy (their natural need being security) while ENTJs are the ones who will jump to redefine it if they see it isn’t efficient (natural need for ingenuity).

The tendency of the ESTJ to act the way they are supposed to act in regards to their role in society dictates the way this relationship is going to go. They are very hierarchically aware.

On equal terms

As friends ENTJs and ESTJs usually get along fine, especially if they have common interests to talk about. As long as they are in a laid back setting, things shouldn’t be tough. In a work setting there might be some clashes but “it works” is a language both these types share.

When ESTJ is above hierarchically

ESTJs are usually not very receptive to new theories and off beat ideas, especially if they can’t see a real life application right away. This can frustrate an ENTJ beneath them to the boiling point. This same frustration can happen in “ESTJ parent – ENTJ child” relationships if the ESTJ expects the child to do what it’s told without giving a reason. NT children want things explained and they want to have a rational reason for doing everything. “Because I say so” is usually not a sufficient reason and the NT child will see this as an attack on their autonomy. But as long as the ENTJ child fulfills its duties and expectations (especially in school), the ESTJ will give them a little freedom.

When ENTJ is above hierarchically

In this situation things usually go more smoothly because ESTJs are generally more concentrated on getting the task done than on skeptically doubting authority. ENTJs like having ESTJ employees because they are very dependable, responsible and hard working. A parent – child relationship should also go smooth because ESTJ children are usually respectful towards elders and strive to fulfill their duties which an ENTJ parent will appreciate.

Gender roles

An ESTJ parent might not be very supportive towards an ENTJ female child if she decides to pursue a career or way of living that more fits a man’s role (in the ESTJs mind). Because most ESTJs are traditional they believe there’s a way a man and a woman should act and if it drives away from the beaten track ESTJs can get very critical.

However, there’s one thing ESTJs don’t argue with and that is success. They are best proven wrong by action and succeeding and will respect you once they see what you’ve accomplished. As ENTJs are somewhat dreamy like all Ns, the best policy is to talk about the “unrealistic options” with someone else or mention them to your ESTJ only when you’ve got something behind your back. ESTJs will shoot down your ideas and often with a good concrete reason you haven’t thought of. They live in the real world 99% of the time and although their critical attitude can be annoying to N types, they can really provide some good insight into concrete realization of your ideas so don’t disregard them just because they are critical.